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Full Spectrum Psychology Services in the Inland Empire.















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Redlands

511 Brookside Ave, Redlands, CA 92373

  Mon-Thu, 9:00am - 6:00pm

Victorville

18838 Highway 18 Suite 6, Apple Valley, CA 92307

  Fridays, 9:00am - 5:00pm

LATEST NEWS

You may already be familiar with The Four Horsemen (criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling) but now that our context has shifted on a global scale, it’s worth taking a closer look at each and how they might show up at home.

Though all of the four horsemen are damaging, Contempt is perhaps the most destructive. John Gottman describes contempt as “sulfuric acid for love.” Yikes.

So what is contempt? At its core, contempt is holding on to the negative belief that your partner is inferior or “less than.” It may manifest as sarcasm, hostile remarks, eye-rolling, mockery or mimicking, or sneering directed at your partner.

“Oh you’re so smart, huh?”
“You’re embarrassing yourself and me.”
“You just don’t know any better.”
“You don’t ‘feel like’ making love tonight? Big surprise!”

It conveys disgust. Ouch.

It’s a mean one, but it can be reversed. The antidote to contempt is building a culture of appreciation.

Cure nastiness with fondness and admiration. Appreciate the ways your partner is different, and that they have their own subjective, individual experience of things. Regard them as an equal.

-the GOTTMAN Institute-
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